Here’s why proper bonds with others are vital for our wellbeing
The need for connection is a fundamental part of being a human being,” says spiritual coach Nicky Clinch. “All human beings need this in their life and, on a very evolutionary level, it is the basis of the survival of the human race. Without connection we simply would not reproduce and therefore the species would not continue.
On a much deeper level, human beings need connection in order to thrive emotionally and spiritually. As babies it’s just not enough to be fed nourishment – we need touch, bonding, attention, care, time, presence and love. “This allows us to start thriving on an emotional and spiritual level, feeding and building self-worth, self-esteem and an ability for self-compassion, says Nicky, “which then of course leads to behaviours that will support the adult being to be able to thrive in life, and not just survive.”
So what exactly is ‘meaningful’ connection? “Well, in simplest terms, it is connection with meaning!” says Nicky. But then what does that mean? “For me, it is to connect from a place of authenticity, from a place of truth, and to communicate heart-to-heart.
“Meaningful connection for me, is also when there is an exchange of intimacy involved – a minimum of two people must be involved in an exchange which creates meaning. It makes it easier to get a sense of what non-meaningful connection is – and that is one where people are simply not present, available, or conscious. It might look like connection, but there’s nobody really home. I think in the day and age that we live in there is a lot of this. Take social media for instance – it feels like you’re having connection and a relationship with the people you interact with, but really it is mostly a one-way street. It has the perception of connection and yet it is words on a screen on a piece of technology.
Nicky says that to find meaningful connection, first you must be clear on what kind of connection you not only really want in your life, but what you’re ready and willing to commit to finding. “Then find the places where people will be that have the interests which you want to connect on. A powerful tool to automatically create more meaningful connections is to commit to saying what you really mean, and meaning what you say when you speak. Commit to sharing how you feel with other people who themselves are willing to be available and listen. Then ask others how they feel. Above all, be willing to show your vulnerability and allow others to be vulnerable around you. And lastly, commit to making time each week for more meaningful connection with those you care about – it has to become a priority – make an effort to keep it nourished and alive.”
