Can poking fun at your issues set you on the path to lasting happiness and contentment? Jini Reddy learns some shock tactics from provocative therapist Dr Brian Kaplan
Can poking fun at your issues set you on the path to lasting happiness and contentment? Jini Reddy learns some shock tactics from provocative therapist Dr Brian Kaplan
Reverse psychology
Provocative therapy uses reverse psychology and humour to help change people’s behaviour. “To laugh at the paradoxes of problems is how people have helped each other for thousands of years,” says Kaplan, who is a trained medical doctor and homeopath, although he says that provocative therapy is his real passion: “It’s a cost-effective form of brief psychotherapy capable of producing long-lasting results in a short period of time. But there are two rules: patients must give permission for the process and therapeutic provocation must always be done with a “twinkle in the eye” and “affection in the heart”. This is the golden rule laid down in the 1960s by American founder and therapist Frank Farrelly.” As Kaplan puts it: “No one is ever ambushed with provocation.”
“I believe the answer to your problem is already within you, but you may have trouble locating it,” says Kaplan. “Or you may be fully conscious of the solution but have not been able to implement it. The therapy acts as a powerful stimulus to get you to kick-start yourself into action,” he says. “When I reflect the absurdity of your behaviour back to you, I force you to take ownership of the problem, and you, the client, end up prescribing the solution to me.” It’s a far cry from traditional psychotherapy: “Say you’re a needle stuck in the groove of a record,” says Kaplan. “A conventional psychotherapist will work with you to try to understand why you’re stuck in that groove. So you do – but you’re still stuck. With provocative therapy I’ll say something so absurd, the needle comes off the record. In that moment there’s a pause, a possibility for the needle to come down and move. A window of opportunity is opened.”
The answer to your problem is already within you, but you may have trouble locating it
When my session begins, Kaplan asks me if he has permission to say things that may be perceived to be ‘racist, homophobic, misogynistic, politically incorrect’ and so on – I gulp, and say yes, though I wonder what I am letting myself in for. Will I feel like rubbish when this is over?
As it happens, I end up giggling my way through the hour – it is impossible for me to feel offended because my ‘tormentor’ radiates warmth and empathy, and the entire time, yes, he has that twinkle in his eye. In fact, it’s irresistible fun.
Love and compassion
“I do this therapy with love and compassion, because I want to help,” he says. “Context is everything. When I ask you for permission, what I’m really asking for is permission not to be fearful. If I can’t blurt out what I intuitively feel in the moment, I’m acting out a fear. What I am asking is: ‘Can we enter a bubble and you know that I’m on your side?’ I’m taking the piss out of your behaviour, but you are being utterly supported.” Kaplan has seen literally thousands of clients: some come to him because they have issues with weight or suffer from addictions and phobias, but most are struggling with relationship issues – he doesn’t treat severe mental illness and psychosis or personality disorders or children who are too young to appreciate irony.
My own initial session goes something like this: I tell him I’m trying to attract more money, that I want to earn enough to buy myself a flat. “What do you want to do that for?” he replies. “You’re telling me you want to end up in a flat on your own, as a spinster?” “No,” I protest. “You’ve got it all wrong. I just want to be independent, to be empowered, financially and emotionally.”
“But don’t you want to live with a man? Be in a relationship ? I can get you the flat and the money – but I’m worried you might be lonely once you get it. Living on your own like a spinster.” Look here, I tell him, I’m not sure I want to be living with someone day in and day out. Relationships lose their spark when people live together, I say – secretly marvelling at how we have segued from money to relationships. “So,” he replies, “what you’re telling me is that you want to live in your flat and be a mistress! Just have little affairs with men, have all the fun, and then they can go home and experience the mundane everyday existence with their wives?” I tell Kaplan that this is NOT what I want, and that I do want to be with someone. (You see how this provocative stuff works? He provokes me into articulating what I don’t want – and in doing so I assert the thing I want.) Towards the end of the session, I ask him what he honestly thinks is going on with me. “Oh I can see it a mile off,” he says, telling me that he believes the real issue is my desire for security and ‘insurance’ (in the form of a flat), fuelled by a fear that any serious, committed relationship I enter into will fail… Wow. He has hit a nerve. He’s audio-taped me too. That evening I hear my voice droning on about this flat I want, as if it’s the only thing that matters to my existence. And I am saddened, by how the vision of bricks and mortar alone has become my happy ever after. It’s so obvious that something – someone – is missing from the picture. Why did I not see it? Well, I do now. “You’ve got plenty to think about,” says Kaplan, after an equally helpful second session. “Provocative therapy is not an instant fix but it really works – a few months down the line and you may find your life transformed.”
PROVOKE A REACTION
These are the sort of inflammatory statements that might be used, after the patient has given permission to use the reverse psychology techniques of provocative therapy
ANGRY WITH YOUR PARENTS?
Punish them for screwing you up by suing them, divorcing them or converting to a new religion.
CHOCOHOLICS
Research has shown that girls who enjoy chocolate are sensual people who also enjoy sex much more than other girls. So keep on eating that chocolate!
CAN’T FIND A DECENT MAN
Ask not for what the world of men can do for you but what you can do for the world of men.
SMOKERS
Enjoy tobacco without guilt. If you know you can’t quit, why further damage your health with negative emotions? (“Of course with this one it would be very important to check the effect of making a comment like this!” advises Dr Kaplan. “Nevertheless it encapsulates the contrarian principle on which provocative therapy is based.)
UNHAPPILY MARRIED
That must be horrific because I’m happily married and it’s terrible! Don’t give up yet because the first 40 years of marriage are definitely the hardest.
CASE STUDY
Farhana Fischer, aged 37, lives in London and works as a PA
“I had suffered a very acrimonious and emotional break up from my fiance and had lost weight, was not sleeping, and was generally very anxious about the future. I needed to rediscover my self-esteem, confidence in my decision-making and to break out of a cycle of behaviour that was stopping me from taking opportunities to meet with new people, and ask people out on dates. I also needed to stop comparing every future man I met with my fiance.
I was extremely lonely and was not meeting anyone. When I did meet people I repeated a cycle of bad dating behaviour, expecting too much from them at first, not curbing any natural jealousies and being needy. I also went to the PT sessions to help me work through my desperate sadness at not having had children by now. Dr Kaplan used hard-hitting playful role-playing scenarios using humour to throw light on how I was living my life and to really see what I was doing to stop myself finding what I was looking for.
I felt empowered on many levels afterwards: I was more aware of my appearance, how I reacted to situations, even the way I was walking down the street changed. I felt like a great burden was lifted. It was the best therapy I have ever tried and I obtained tangible results immediately.”
By Jini Reddy
