Wellbeing

The Femail Dynamic

By Emma Cannon

Emma Cannon on the importance of how we relate to our mothers and other women

Recently, we have seen a surge in female empowerment and an uprising of the sisterhood. I believe that this has only been able to happen because the feminine energy in the world has begun to heal. For too long women have fought and competed against one another, and by doing so we have done ourselves a huge disservice.

A woman’s health and vitality is tied up in both her relationship with her mother and to other women. These relationships are a mirror to our emotional self and offer the greatest opportunity for healing. Our mother’s physical and emotional health during pregnancy and the early years of our lives impacts on every cell in our body. This forms the blueprint for our lives; for better or for worse, we are our mother’s daughters.

I grew up in a household of women. I was one of five sisters. Someone always had a period in our house. My mother told us that we five girls were the greatest achievements of her life, but at the same time hammering home in no uncertain terms that we were not to get ourselves pregnant. I, like many women, grew up confused about what being a woman and being fertile meant. The only cautionary tale we had about fertility was the teenage mum pushing her baby in a pram, excluded from school, life and any sort of a future. Being a woman was something to be overcome rather than celebrated.

I have spent the past 25 years listening to women’s stories and I have come to realise that we are all confused and conflicted about what makes us happy and fertile. Perhaps in striving for power or perfection we lost some precious ingredients – time, connection and meaning.

Along the way, I have learnt that collaboration is better than competition – that we have more fun when we do things together. I have learnt that, for all the giving and doing we as women do, sometimes being and receiving is OK, too. I have also learnt that our true nature is what I call ‘the fertile woman’: fruitful, prolific and abundant, and that is a precious powerful gift and to never, ever give away.

Mother daughter healing

Despite, or perhaps because of, the importance of this dynamic, the relationship between mother and daughter can be a complex one of expectation, miscommunication, unmet needs and mirroring. Dysfunctions in our relationship with our mothers may also spill over into our relationship with other women in our lives.

Compassion towards each other is vital. Look below the surface and try to understand things from her view point.

When issues arise, try this simple and quick exercise:

Sit in a comfortable position with your left hand on your heart and your right hand on your womb area. Sink into your heart space and feel the connection between the heart and the womb. I want any feelings to come from your heart, not your mind.
Ask yourself what are the three things that bother you about this woman or the dynamic (be it your mother, daughter or friend)?
Really sink into your womb and see what arises.
Once you have your answer, look at these things in relation to yourself. If the feelings were selfishness, abandonment and jealousy, look at these aspects of yourself. Where in my life am I selfish? Do I abandon myself or others? Who am I jealous of?
It is interesting to see what arises. Don’t judge yourself, just observe how these triggers mirror things in our own life. It can be hard at first; but a wise and forgiving person realises that this person has given us an opportunity to heal these parts of ourselves.

Emma is an integrated women’s health expert, registered acupuncturist and author emmacannon.co.uk