Wellbeing

Spirituality: Barefoot Doctor on healing grief

By Barefoot Doctor

Come to terms with the loss of a loved one with self-help meditations from the UK’s top tao master

Come to terms with the loss of a loved one with self-help meditations from the UK’s top tao master
Of all life’s great shocks, losing someone close is probably the biggest, perhaps alongside dying yourself. It’s the most natural thing in the world – as natural as being born – but we’re not educated to deal with it. Indeed we are educated not to deal with it – to abstract it and be in denial of it, to delude ourselves that life goes on forever. In one sense it definitely does – life is infinite and eternal – but it doesn’t go on forever in these bodies we inhabit. We’re essentially angelic presences momentarily enjoying a human experience. And the angelic presence within goes on forever.

I still enjoy fresh contact with loved ones I’ve lost, though have no idea which dimension they’re transmitting from – but they’re still here somewhere in some form or other.

My dad, from whom I learned most of the important things in life, was a pragmatist – he believed when you die, you’re dead and that’s the end of it, and that was fine for him. He didn’t take his individual form too seriously. He told me, when he died he didn’t want me to be sad, he wanted me to be happy whenever I thought of him, because he’d lived a wonderful life. And it worked. I miss him every day but I only ever feel happy when I think of him.

That’s what we’re aiming for – to feel happiness when we think of the one we’ve lost – to override the self-pity and see straight to the joy the connection with them induces. It takes time – eight seasons is the given wisdom – twice round the sun, for the pain and shock to wear down until you can be fully relaxed and comfortable about it. This doesn’t mean you don’t miss their physical presence, just that you’re no longer feeling bereft.

TRY THIS

Here’s a three-step approach to healing the pain of grief…

Grief comes in waves, with an accompanying physical effect – constriction of the solar plexus and chest. By dissolving the physical tension you ease the mind. Be vigilant. Notice the wave coming on, spot the physical tension in the front of your body, and use your breath (specifically the exhalation) and mental intention to dissolve it. Keep doing this, and you’ll notice the waves start reducing in both frequency and intensity.
Allow yourself to feel them around you, because though their physical presence is no longer, their angelic presence is still with you and the love you shared lasts forever. Be soothed and warmed by their presence even though not visible or tangible – talk to them and listen out for them talking back. They’ll tell you all you need to know to survive the grief.
Think of yourself as their ambassador on earth and dedicate all your activities to them. Whatever you do, do it as if giving a gift to the world directly from them. And by and by, your emotions will settle and your mind will calm and you’ll be able to accommodate the pain while actually starting to enjoy your life again.

MORE INFO

Barefoot Doctor is a leading tao master and has written numerous books including the cult classic Handbook for the Urban Warrior. His latest book is called The Man Who Drove With His Eyes Closed and is published by Hay House. For information on his books, courses, lectures and other news visit barefootdoctorworld.com