Do you feel as if there’s something missing in your life? You can’t quite put your finger on it, but there’s a constant underlying feeling of unease or emptiness.
Do you feel as if there’s something missing in your life? You can’t quite put your finger on it, but there’s a constant underlying feeling of unease or emptiness.
From psychologists to wellbeing gurus, nearly everyone’s in agreement that a possible solution to this unhappiness is gratitude. Giving thanks for what you’ve got is not just a mawkish practice of sentimental new-agers, there’s research to back up the theory that counting your blessings can keep you positive and lift your mood. In a study, published in the Journal of Personality , those with a grateful outlook tend to feel happier, have better mental alertness and experience fewer illnesses.
It may seem contrived at first, but experts concur that your appreciative attitude develops the more you actively take note of the good in your life. Your focus will naturally change to what you have, rather than constantly feeling short changed. So, if you know your blessings (a job, food, warmth, clothes, friends etc) but don’t feel blessed, you need to hone the practice of saying thanks with these practical ideas…
Leo Babauta, Buddhist monk and founder of Zen Habits (zenhabits.com), explains why counting your blessings will lead to inner peace. “Most days, I try to humble myself and hold a two minute gratitude session. I simply sit or kneel, with no distractions, I close my eyes and think about what, and who, I’m grateful for. You can try this too,” he says. “You don’t have to do anything, other than close your eyes and silently give thanks. This one act can make a huge difference,” he adds, pointing out that it will put you in the right frame of mind for the rest of the day and make you feel more open to others. “Sometimes you might think about something nice that someone did for you; perhaps you remembered during your gratitude session. When you do, pick up the phone and call the person, just to say thanks. Let them know what they did that you’re grateful for, and why you appreciate it,” he suggests.
Another theory is that actively showing your appreciation follows the law of attraction, and will enhance your wellbeing. “Showing your gratitude to your loved ones, just for being them, will make them feel appreciated and loved, which will pay back more love and kindness to you,” explains NLP therapist Bernardo Moya (nlplifetraining.com). “If someone does a good job, show your gratitude and praise them. If you like the food you’re served, leave a tip. If it’s someone’s birthday – send them a card,” he explains. Bernardo believes the key is to be mindful of the small things that go right in your day. “Smiling at a stranger to see if they smile back. Sunshine shining on the road after rain. Ice cream on the beach. Getting home after a cold day out. Dinner with your partner. Did someone let you into the line of traffic? What about when someone helped you pick up some things you dropped?” All these little things in your day-to-day life are worth noting.
Another trick is to re-live your positive experiences throughout the day. Rob Kelly, therapist and creator of the Thrive Programme (thriveprogramme.org) advises the following:
Make a list of ten good times. The best way to do this is to make a list on your mobile phone, so you can carry it around with you.
Several times each day read through your list, spending about 30 seconds thinking about each one. As you think about each situation, remind yourself why it was a positive experience, remember how it felt and what you thought at the time.
If a time on the list was something that you achieved, like cooking dinner, make sure you remind yourself that you achieved it.
Once you have something else to add to your list, add it as number one. Then everything else moves down the list one place, with the old number 10 disappearing off the list altogether. It doesn’t matter whether you add three new positives each day or one per week, just add one when you can.
You may be thinking that this advice is all well and good if things are going as you wish, but what if you’ve had a particularly bad day, or you are not looking forward to something? Lyndsey Whiteside is an inspirational speaker (inspiredpr.co.uk) and claims you can still count your lucky stars in negative situations.
“Change the way you look at the things you dread. Remind yourself how lucky you are that you get to go to the gym , for example. Or, that you have been given the chance to express yourself at that work presentation.” She adds: “If you find yourself in a queue or traffic jam; mentally list the things that are good in your life. Be thankful for the additional time you’ve been given to think happy thoughts. Even when things go wrong or fall away, be grateful for the chance to bring new opportunities in to your life. Think back to when you have been heartbroken but then ultimately, something much better has come along.”
Leo adds to this line of thought and points out that saying thanks can put an uplifting spin on negative situations. “Having problems at work? Be grateful you have work. Be grateful you have challenges, and that life isn’t boring. Consider how you can learn from these challenges. Be thankful that they make you a stronger person,” he says. “Remember what’s important. It’s hard to complain about the little things when you give thanks that your children are alive and healthy. It’s difficult to get stressed out over paying bills when you are thankful that there is a roof over your head.”
By Hannah Tudor
