Love change or hate change; we know it’s one of life’s constants. But when we actively choose to make a change of direction, it can open our eyes up to a new way of living and serve as a crucial tool for self-growth. Whether we want to embark on a new job or hobby, swap the car for a bicycle or create new boundaries within our family circle, change can take some getting used to. So, how do we make positive changes that last the course? These top tips from experts across the fields of psychology, life-coaching and science offer simple ways to help make positive changes to our lifestyles – and keep them there.
Understand change
Dr Meg Arroll (drmegarroll.com ) is a chartered psychologist who works regularly with supplement experts Healthspan. She encourages anyone on the brink of change to remember that it isn’t a linear process; any hiccups and setbacks we experience can serve as important opportunities for reflection and learning. “Many of us revert to old patterns of behaviour because we haven’t identified and challenged some of the cognitive and psychological barriers that may be linked to early life experiences and personal expectations,” says Meg. ‘Within psychology, change is a process involving a number of stages – precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and often relapse, before a new behavioural habit is established.”
Start small
We’ve all done it. Big promises for radical change that fall short a week later. The trick is to build up slowly, and be kind to ourselves. “We so often set ourselves up for setbacks by choosing changes that don’t fit into our lives,” says Meg. “The view of ‘no pain, no gain’ is pervasive yet utterly self-defeating. Therefore, aim for small tweaks that are manageable in your life right now, and build upon these rather than trying to completely overhaul your life in one fell swoop. Change is absolutely possible – we just need to be realistic and show some self-compassion and care when developing new habits.”
Lean into mindfulness
Ani Naqvi is a former BBC journalist who has survived a traumatic childhood, a tsunami and multiple brushes with death before the age of 40. During a career break following a diagnosis for stage 4 cancer, Ani made seismic changes to her lifestyle incorporating practices such as yoga, meditation, hypnotherapy, reiki and Ayurveda in order to reclaim her health. “I am living proof that anyone can make changes, you just have to want to,” says Ani, who now works as an executive transformational expert and mentor with clients worldwide (anicoaching.com ). Ani believes that building in just one minute of mindfulness a day can help shift our brain chemistry for the better, breaking old chains of thought and developing new, neural pathways rooted in positive thinking. This might be chewing mindfully or feeling the pace and weight of our body on the floor as we walk upstairs. “You are creating new habits if you regularly check in with yourself this way and observe your thoughts,” says Ani.
Feel the fear and do it anyway
“When change is present, we can feel frightened about what lies ahead,” says transformational coach Gillian McMichael, author of Coming Home: A guide to being your true self (Panoma Press) and founder of Full Circle Global (gillianmcmichael.com ). “The best way to tackle fear is head on. Write down your goal: ‘where do I want to be after I make this change?’ and then break down your journey, step by step. Understand that the obstacles you face are those you set out yourself. Try not to lean into panic and instead ask yourself two questions. First: ‘what is the worst that can happen?’ Then: ‘How will I feel if I don’t make the change?’”
Find a change ally
Sharing your change intention with a friend or family member can offer invaluable support and help keep you accountable when you begin to wobble. “Find someone you can trust, whether it’s a confidant, spouse, mentor or coach,” says Gillian. “Pick someone who takes your life change as seriously as you do. Meet frequently and share what’s happening emotionally, because your emotional landscape is bound to change as you undergo any major shift.”
Make change a pleasure
American Professor Katy Milkman (katymilkman.com ) has dedicated her career to the study of behaviour change. In her bestselling book How to Change (Ebury), Katy describes one of her methods for change as ‘temptation bundling’, based on her own experiences when she found her love for reading fiction was affecting her grades while studying for a PHD. Her change was only letting herself read novels when she worked out at the gym, linking a guilty pleasure (for Katy, reading fiction) with pursuing a valuable activity that we tend to dread (such as going to the gym). This not only boosted her exercise quota but meant she spent more time studying at home and not procrastinating, page deep in Harry Potter.
“Mary Poppins has it right,” she writes. “When goal pursuit is made instantly more gratifying by adding ‘an element of fun’, present bias can be overcome. Temptation bundling solves two problems at once. It can help reduce overindulgence in temptations and increase time spent on activities that serve your long-term goals.”
Stay true to you
Dr Catherine Wilkins (fractology.info ) is author of The Soul’s Brain (Hay House) and believes the key to lasting change is when the changes we seek feel wholly authentic to us. “Change in any other direction will increase internal conflict between our different aspects, rather than decrease it,” says Catherine. “The more we’re in alignment with our true self the more natural it feels to support others to increase their alignment. This creates a fertile ground for mutually expansive exchange, which feeds back into the joy. That’s when the transformation becomes not only permanent but ongoing.”
