Want to create the life you’ve always wanted? Jini Reddy talks to the experts and learns how to become a goal-setter and achiever
Want to create the life you’ve always wanted? Jini Reddy talks to the experts and learns how to become a goal-setter and achiever These days it’s increasingly fashionable to have a ‘bucket list’ – a list of goals, achievements, adventures and dreams to be fulfilled and ticked off. Yes, we’re all meant to focus on life’s journey, but let’s face it – the arriving can be a whole lot of fun (and just as meaningful). Deep down, no matter how much we believe happiness to be a state of mind and nothing to do with success, achieving something we’ve worked towards can makes us feel giddy with joy and euphoria.
Sadly though, not all of us are natural-born self-starters. We come into the world with varying quantities of get-up-and-go. Yes, some of us are blessed with cheery determination and a core of self-belief – the rest just bumble along, a mixture of inertia and hopefulness. But are there tricks and techniques that can help those of us who fall into the latter camp to become more proficient at ‘mastering’ our dreams?
Setting goals
Most motivational teachers will agree that every peak-performing man or woman (in whatever sphere they excel in) is an obsessive goal-setter. They are motivated by compelling, burning, internal goals. You don’t get to be an Olympic contender, write books, invent new technology, sail across oceans, create art, or complete any venture without them.
People who are wary of setting goals can see them as a means of striving for superficial desires, so it’s vital, too, to know that the goals you are setting are in your best interest and honouring your deepest self. As Ali Campbell, life coach and author of Just Get On With It: A caring, compassionate kick up the Ass! (£8.99, Hay House) puts it:
“Make sure that your goals are actually things you want and not things you should want.” Personal trainer Charlotte Rehn (gonordic.co.uk) who has whipped some pretty highachieving clients into shape – one has just climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, another has walked to the North Pole – says that to make sure your goals are authentic, you need to look within: “Ask yourself who and what inspires you. Do you like to do things with others? Are you a social person? Are you looking for an inner or outer journey?”
Charlotte suggests creating what she calls a SMART goal and action plan. It must be, she advises: “Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.”
Top sports psychologist Ken Way has worked with British solo ocean racer Alex Thomson and is the author of a fascinating book called Mental Master (£24, Won Way Publishing), talks about categorising goals into three different types: outcome goals, performance goals and process goals. “Outcome goals should be motivational: things you want in your life. There may be many hurdles and obstacles to overcome but you want them nevertheless. Performance goals are simply measuring sticks to assess where you are in relation to your outcome goal. What do you need to achieve along the way: how will you know you’re still on track to get your outcome?”
Keep motivated
It’s vital, too, to know that the goals you are setting are in your best interest and honouring your deepest self
Process goals, he says, “are the day-to-day behaviours that take you nearer each of the performance goals. What do you need to stay focused and work on in order to get nearer your goal? These must be defined in detail. And it’s these that should occupy your day-to-day thinking. If you feel your motivation is slipping then it’s okay to reconsider your outcome goal (to ‘juice up’ your motivation) but visualisations should be focused mainly on process goals.”
He quite wisely points out that the distinction between these goals explains why many people fall by the wayside when they are setting their intentions: “Instead of breaking their objectives down, they focus their attention and energy on their outcome goals only. While this may be better than nothing and will keep motivation high and benefit long-term ambitions it’s nowhere near as effective as focusing on all three types of goals.
“Focusing on long-term outcome goals can backfire as you may lose touch with the rate of progress you are really making in relation to those goals. It’s like setting your sights on the horizon; no matter how far you travel towards the horizon it continues to move off into the distance.”
Want to make sure you reach the horizon without faltering? Read the tips and techniques above – and then be inspired by the women on these pages who have used goal-setting to fulfil dreams beyond their wildest imaginations.
BE INSPIRED…
67-year-old Jan Meek, the first woman to row across an ocean and walk to a pole
“Just go for it and don’t let others deter you. If you put your whole heart into a project, if by chance you do not make it, you will have learnt so many lessons on the way that you will have benefited, or you might find a different dream or goal more suited to you en route. I write down what I want to achieve, and then what skills I need to achieve in order to go forward, learn as much as I can from people, books (in the old days), the net (now) and then delete the word ‘fail’ from my personal dictionary.
After rowing 3000 miles across the Atlantic with my son Daniel, I really felt there was nothing now I could not achieve and I have never come down from that high. The bigger bonus is once you have achieved your goal not only do you know that there is nothing you cannot achieve, others feel this too. My grandfather gave me this important piece of advice. He said: “Your life will be more exciting, fulfilling and interesting if you remember just one three-letter word. Do not ask ‘why?’ but ‘why not?’.”
Jan is planning an expedition to the South Pole in 2013, with a team of people her own age. For more info visit janmeek.co.uk
BE INSPIRED…
Suzanne Seyhgal, 36, member of the Great Britain Premier Ladies Dragonboating team
“Everyone is more than capable of achieving their goals providing it’s something they genuinely want. If you approach anything, losing weight being a popular example, with an ‘it would be nice’ attitude, what you’re actually hoping is that it will happen magically without you needing to make any effort yourself. Obviously that’s not how goals are achieved! The most important step to making your dream real is to be honest with yourself about what you are and aren’t prepared to do in your quest. I’ve never been a morning person but I knew training early four mornings a week would be key to ensuring I could balance it with work. Once you’ve established your plan, the key to most tasks is to stay in the here and now and focus on the strategy, not just the target. And keep believing. Don’t let anyone else tell you what is or isn’t possible. For me, the shock, mingled with pride at being selected to the team was incredible. Nothing will ever beat the experience of being in GB kit, sitting in the boat on the starting line at the World Championships.”
For more information on dragon-boating visit kingstonroyals.com
“The key to most tasks is to stay in the here and now and focus on the strategy, not just the target”
BE INSPIRED…
Dee Caffari, 38, the first woman to sail solo and non-stop in both directions around the world
“To achieve your goals you need clarity of thought. You need to know exactly what you’re aiming at. Determination and desire are useful as you have to really want to achieve, no matter how tough it gets. Sometimes the goal we have set ourselves seems insurmountable – this should not demoralise. I often find breaking things down into smaller parts helps. I remember once, when sailing around the world I encountered three days amongst the ice. I was scared and couldn’t sleep or eat. It’s a period that I would never like to repeat again. I had to remain positive and kept repeating the mantra that the bad stuff doesn’t last forever. When I’ve achieved my goals there is a mêlée of emotions: pride, relief, happiness and most of all gratitude that I have made my team proud of me.”
For more information on Dee and the charities she supports visit deecaffari.com
Top sports psychologist Ken Ways’ tips on goal-setting:
An ideal goal will be set in terms of five specific elements:
Goals should always be stated in the positive. This will ensure that you think about what you want rather than what you don’t want.
Make sure you ‘own’ your goal and that you have tangible actions that are under your control. You can’t control what others do, you can only control what you do.
Well defined Be really specific in defining your goal – adding precision and as much detail as possible. Describe your goal using as many senses as you can and outline it in terms of what, how, where and when.Evidence Your mind needs to recognise what to expect when the target has been reached. In other words, what will your senses be seeing, hearing and feeling when you’ve got your goal?Resilience It is vital to consider any obstacles and hurdles you may encounter en route to your goal, and how you will overcome them. This provides a ‘blueprint’ for your unconscious mind so it is important to consider how you will remain on track to your goal. When you’ve mapped your goal out like this, do make sure you follow two additional steps:Do ensure there are no hidden doubts or negative consequences that might arise from achieving your goal, for example by affecting an important relationship.
First step What is the crucial first step that will give you momentum towards your goal? You need to send a signal to your brain that you are serious and that it is not just an empty idea.
By Jini Reddy
