Wellbeing

Try a Little Tenderness

Self-compassion is the key to emotional intelligence, says Emma Cannon

We are evolving into a time where the we and not the me is the focus. This doesn’t mean that we diminish the self. On the contrary, part of my teaching is that if we want to mother another, first we must mother ourselves. I believe self-compassion forms the building blocks of emotional intelligence. If we are truly compassionate with ourselves, then we are able to have limitless compassion for others.

Act for greater good

2019 was about clearing past shadows and dealing with secrets and sides of ourselves that normally remain hidden; 2020 is about acting for the greater good. 2020 is about showing up for a cause greater than ourselves; having a world view, or simply doing something in the world, that makes a difference. What the world needs now is not more knowledge, it needs more wisdom and compassion.

Hold space for someone

Compassion and empathy are not about solving problems for people; compassion is about witnessing the other person and holding space for them to delve more deeply into their feelings. In fact, when we try and fix, solve or make less of people’s suffering, we are really denying ourselves the opportunity to hold compassionate space for another. If you’d like to become more compassionate and empathetic there are a few simple ways to get started.

A quick guide to being compassionate

Listen: The most important quality of compassion is listening. Bombarding people with questions rarely helps, yet carefully chosen questions that bring the other person closer to their feelings gives them the space to explore their emotions and arrive at their own conclusions.

Support solutions: If you are there to support people in finding their own solutions, then you are working in a compassionate way. If you rush in with the solution or try and fix the problem, then you’re doing them a disservice.

Empower growth: One of the most disempowering things you can do is to allow your own need to save the situation to deny the other person an opportunity to grow.

Don’t compare: Try to resist the temptation to use comparisons. Situations are rarely the same and a bad comparison can really disempower the other person. Furthermore, it can feel like one-upmanship. We all know that person who has to run everything through their own filter; its mostly unhelpful unless the comparison is indeed on a par. In general, avoid making the conversation about you.

This year, I urge you to make compassion a priority; my challenge to you is to become really rather brilliant at it. Remember to start with self-compassion and then gradually extend this out to those who need support.

Emma is an integrated women’s health expert, registered acupuncturist and author emmacannon.co.uk