It is one of the saddest truths of womanhood that almost every woman I know has experienced deep body confidence issues.
I’ve done it myself – refused to wear outfits I thought made me look bigger, or wished I was just a few inches taller than I am.
We all seem to want to be different to how we are. If we are petite, we look at Amazonian models with envy. If we are curvy, we want to be thin, if we are slender, we want more curves. Throughout history we have sought to change our looks, but for the past 50 years or so, one thing has been less desirable than any other: fat.
Being ‘fat’ is as easily demonised in health terms as smoking, and those with weight issues are sometimes judged by others as lazy, greedy, or weak. And yet society is getting bigger – why? I believe it is because of shame. As our obsession with our body size grows, our waistlines have only increased. Coincidence? I think not.
There have always been certain quarters of the media only too keen to pull women down for their looks, but about a decade ago it got worse. As reality TV grew and social media became more prevalent, it became easier and easier for the press to get hold of ‘real’ images of celebrities.
These were used to visibly highlight all the things wrong with us and pictures of us looking less than perfect were paid a premium for. Some would even Photoshop their images to make them worse.
We would be paraded across the front pages of magazines with red rings around ‘cellulite’ and made up numbers plastered across our slightly rounded stomachs. And little girls up and down the country saw this on every newsstand they passed.
With the rise of Instagram, it has not improved. The pressure on all ages to look ‘perfect’ has never been greater. And none of this is about health. Being thin does not mean you are healthy and happy. Heartbreak, stress and disordered eating are often behind dramatic weight loss.
A prime example is the singer, Adele. Her weight loss is huge – there is no doubt about that, but it infuriates me that a woman that is gifted and accomplished, who has always been beautiful, gets the most column inches of her life for a diet.
Since then, I have been on a mission to change the language around our weight. Think about it like this: you gain five pounds and hit social media to suggest you are fat, having gone up a dress size, maybe from a 10 to a 12. You might share something about how hideous you feel or look, not thinking about anyone else at all. But how do you think your size 12 and above friends will feel hearing you denigrate yourself like that? That is how shame works – we abuse ourselves, but others feel the emotional fallout and impact.
Instead, I love the approach of experts like self-compassion coach Helen Golstein (selfcompassioncoaching.co.uk ) who believes in healing the wounds of diet culture and exploring why you have used food negatively. It is not about losing weight; it is about gaining kindness for the body you must inhabit for your whole life.
Patsy’s beauty range, Preciously Perfect, is available from Ideal World. Search idealworld.tv to discover the full collection.
