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Personality: The energy vampire

Top psychologist Dr Nicola Davies introduces the energy vampire; spot them before they sink their fangs into you
Meet the energy vampire, the person who feeds off other people’s life force because they are incapable of creating and sustaining their own.

These people are experts in drawing you into their habitual dramas, negativity, hostile rages, complaints, and sad stories. Once this happens, they can leave you feeling drained, tired, exhausted, confused, and on edge for days. Although the energy vampire comes in different disguises, here are some of their key identifying traits:

The Energy Vampire

Key Traits

They often make you feel overwhelmed, defensive, exhausted or even depressed.
They have strong narcissistic tendencies and a constant hunger for admiration and attention.
Those who feel victimised by the world will appeal for you to help protect them against real or imagined attacks from others.
They habitually find fault and criticise others to help them feel superior and in control.
Mood changes can be rapid and bewildering to others – one moment they may heap praise on you, and the next rage against you.
They are incapable of dealing with challenges constructively, instead wallowing in self-pity.

Negatives

When working or living with energy vampires, keep the following in mind:
These people are good at spotting and latching onto those who are emotionally vulnerable; their well-intentioned support can quickly turn into a trap to control your emotional state to their liking.
They may constantly seek advice and guidance from you, making you feel important to their wellbeing; however, they have no intention of acting on any of your suggestions.
Since their actions and attitudes are predominantly unconsciously motivated, you may not immediately observe their negative impact on you. It isn’t until you start feeling drained or having depressive spells that you realise what is happening.

Positives

Like all troublesome personalities, there are seeds of positivity in energy vampires;these are few and far between, however:
Their emotionality makes them insightful people to have a conversation with.
Many will go out of their way to help you take care of practicalities, such as collecting your children from school when you are unable to. However, do limit yourself in asking for such favours because you can easily become more indebted to them.

How Do I Deal With One?

If you are prone to emotional upsets in your personal life, then it is advised that you do make a conscious effort to have minimal contact with this personality type.Otherwise, work on improving your own self-confidence so that you can be more assertive when dealing with such people. Remind yourself that these people detest life in general, and most of their discontent isn’t directed at you personally. Another technique is to offer your assistance before they ask for it; your generosity is likely to catch them off-guard and make them less defensive.

What If I’m One?

You might be an energy vampire if you consistently do any of the following:

Turn positive situations into negative ones.
Prefer to focus on what might go wrong in any situation.
Wake up and go to bed mired in negativity.
Regard life as some kind of obligation, rather than an adventure.
Mistrust helpful and positive people, thinking they have self-centred motives.
Have the unshakeable belief that your life is one big failure.
Take no steps to deal with your personal issues, butinstead complain and drown in self-pity and resentment.

How Can I Stop?

Learn to observe your thoughts and feelings, and take notice of these without resisting or fighting them.Gradually you will learn that you do have a choice in how to respond to your own inner compulsions and negativity. In turn, you will start to catch yourself looking for the worst in a situation or a person; once you are aware that you are doing this, you are in control to redirect your thinking. Also observe the reactions of others, who might looked tired in your company or even start to avoid you. Ask for feedback about your actions and attitude, and learn to listen without judgement, criticism or self-blame.

Article by

Dr Nicola Davies

Psychologist