The end of your menstral cycles needn’t mean the end of your sanity, in fact this phase of your life could be a whole new beginning…
Normal. It’s not a word many of us like to self-apply. But for women’s health physiotherapist Emma MacColl, this rather beige term proved a lifesaver when she found herself a hostage to her hormones. “Before the menopause hit, I just assumed my periods would stop and that’d be it,” she starts. “I didn’t consider other symptoms I might get. It sounds ridiculous, given that I work with women going through the menopause, but I suppose I always put my own health at the bottom of the list.”
So, when the panic attacks started, the hot sweats that robbed her of sleep, and the emotional turbulence that left her struggling to recognise herself, she turned, exhausted, to Dr Google to make sense of her symptoms. “I couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel; I was spiralling down and down. Luckily, I have an excellent doctor who put all the pieces together for me and explained that what I was experiencing was very normal. I held on to that word; it really got me through.”
Another way
For Emma, who describes herself as ‘one of life’s worriers’, the two-year path back to physical and psychological equilibrium was facilitated first by HRT and anti-anxiety medication, and then by group CBT sessions. “HRT really helped me get my pattern back but I much prefer a naturopathic route, so – really slowly – I came off it. Through CBT I realised that lack of sleep was interfering with my reasoning, and that a massive drop of hormones was the reason I sometimes didn’t recognise myself.”
Joining these dots empowered Emma to go looking for her own cure, tackling diet (“Patrick Holford is brilliant”), exercise, “I go for a walk every day; getting outside is so important”), and gradually discovering a new way of living. “I’ve always written poems but I took up the acoustic guitar – having proper lessons with a teacher who believes in the power of music to help with depression – and I’ve learnt to write songs. Now, if I’m a bit low or anxious I just pick up my guitar. It’s pushed me to look outside my comfort zone, to discover new parts of myself that I had no idea were inside.” A whole new woman? “I’m my old self again, but in the best possible way,” she smiles. “All the lovely things have blossomed.”
Emma isn’t alone in turning to music. “I sing in a community choir and that’s been my saving grace,” says Rose Jones, a lab technician from Burton-Upon Trent. Jolted into an instant menopause at 49 when her ovaries and womb were removed for health reasons, Rose continues to struggle with hot flushes, palpitations, and the emotional impact of so much physical change.
“I’ve started to gain weight, all of it on the tummy, and I just can’t get rid of it. For the first time in my life, I’m struggling to keep what I feel is a nice shape, and that really bothers me.”
Understandably, Rose also rails at being pigeon-holed as a ‘batty menopausal woman’ by a youth-centric – and, frankly, patriarchal – society ignorant to the battles being quietly fought. “The singing takes me away from myself for two or three hours. It puts things into perspective if I’ve had a hard day.”
Natural approach
Anecdotal evidence suggests powerful therapeutic effects are to be found in leisure activities that fight stress and lift mood, though women have to be their own judge about the positive impact. “Unlike with HRT, which has been the focus of many scientific studies, natural alternatives are under-researched,” says Norma Goldsmith, pharmacist and founder of The Menopause Exchange, a free information service offering impartial advice on the topic to women (menopause-exchange.co.uk). “When I speak to audiences about menopause, I like to ask what women’s experience of complementary therapies is. Often their stories suggest some of these alternatives do work, even when the available science suggests the opposite, but really and truly we need more research.”
For Jane Cole, a primary school teacher who first noticed her periods becoming irregular at 54, finding her own route through menopause has brought unexpected rewards. “Right from the start my doctor said, ‘You don’t need HRT. You can do this without it and afterwards you’ll be glad you did it.’ So I thought ‘OK then, I’ll give it a go.’”
“The gradual onset of symptoms – feeling just rubbish: teary, achy, muddle-headed, fed up and completely lacking in confidence – was tough. I understood that exercise would be a good thing, so I took over the job of walking the dog every day. When I couldn’t sleep I found listening to quiet voices on Radio 4 was the best way to drop off. And it just became normal to have the windows open in November or take several attempts to remember a child’s name.” But as these symptoms receded, so too did doubts and reservations that had been holding Jane back for years. “I began to feel better. Brighter and more energetic. I took on new training at work – something that would have been impossible previously when I was feeling so low – and suddenly I could learn new things; I could be respected at work and earn more money.”
The other side
Five years from start to finish, Jane’s menopause has been an important chapter in her life. “That feeling of coming out of the other side was fantastic.” Emma MacColl agrees. “I feel like now I’m back on top, and when other women go through this I want to offer a hand and say, ‘You’ll get through this and blossom into the best part of your life. There’s a whole new life to lead just waiting for you and it’s really exciting.””
How to feel more like yourself, from people who know…
Loss of confidence
“Mentally adjusting to menopause and accepting it as part of your life will make the transition much easier. Remember, once you reach post menopause, it’s a permanent phase! So, stop trying to recapture the ‘old you,’ adjust your lifestyle to your changing body’s needs and learn to love the ‘new you.’” Jane Atherton, menopause lifestyle mentor and CEO of Phytomone
Forgetfulness
“Many women struggle working, concentrating and performing simple tasks. Moreover, many of them don’t even know it could be related to menopause, therefore they don’t get proper help straight away and they spend months struggling with symptoms. With the premise that every woman is different, meditation is a great help. This is because you focus on yourself, you spend time with yourself. Making lists of tasks, and setting achievable and realistic objects every day is also helpful.” Meg Matthews
Depression
“One in three of us feel depressed when we’re menopausal, it’s a normal, if horrible, part of the process for many of us. Exercise, maintaining social contact and CBT can all help, but research and my own experience supports the use of gratitude. Every single day, I go through my life and write out what I’m grateful for, in detail. I’ve trained my brain to look for the good and, on those days, where the hormones play havoc, it’s become my habit to focus on what’s making me happy, not the negatives.” Patsy Kensit
Feeling overwhelmed
“Make time for yourself on a regular basis. Take time out to do things that you enjoy. Self-care isn’t selfish! Maybe revisit an old hobby, or take up a new one, lose yourself in a good book, buy a new perfume, relax in a bubble bath, have lunch with friends. Just make the time and effort to invest in yourself.” Jane Atherton
“Almost every woman I know found the menopause hit her self-esteem, which is due in part to how we view ageing in our society. But having been through it, I now feel womanlier and more confident than ever. I put that down to realising that life isn’t eternal. I could allow impending older age to terrify me, or I could get out there, look after myself to the very best of my ability and enjoy every moment of a time where I finally have a little bit more freedom to take care of myself. So much of this is in how we position it to ourselves in our minds. I’m fitter, stronger and more aware of myself then I ever was at 20 and it’s really empowering to enjoy the body and life I’ve earned now.” Patsy Kensit
“Looking after your mental health is so important, but sadly, often overlooked during menopause. Make it a priority, whether it’s CB therapy, talking to a psychologist or chatting with other women in The Menopause Room for support and understanding.” Jane Atherton
“I used to lose my speech, and the number of times I completely forgot what I was doing. It sounds funny, but it’s concerning for anyone. I got good at tracking my days in a diary (get a beautiful one and you’re much more likely to use it). I used lists to manage my workday, so I didn’t forget to do anything, and I set reminders in my phone for everything I needed to remember. Eventually, it gets better so don’t panic.” Patsy Kensit
Loss of libido
“As we go through hormonal fluctuations it can put some women right off sex, but if you don’t use it you lose it. If your libido is a problem, some women swear by black cohosh (which can also help with hot flushes and mood swings). Reminding yourself of what you enjoy is important and you might need to do that alone.” Patsy Kensit
“Spend time every day in nature, even if it’s only 10 minutes. GPs are now using social prescribing to encourage people to reconnect with the natural world, as this also helps to reduce stress and manage physiological symptoms.” Meg Arroll Chartered psychologist on behalf of Healthspan and author of The Menopause Maze.
