We all know how good it feels to spend quality time with friends and family, but over the past couple of years, our social lives have taken a battering. From laws that banned meeting with friends to a new working-fromhome routine, the pandemic completely transformed our social interactions. Now, with Covid restrictions a thing of the past, reflecting on our relationships and changing the way we communicate can make a world of difference to our wellbeing. You’ve probably heard of the gut microbiome – the community of bacteria that populates your gut to help control digestion and immunity. Now researchers have identified another biome, one connected to our social behaviour.
“Our social biome is the network of people unique to us that we make contact with on a daily basis – from lunch with our best friend to a chat with colleagues on Zoom and even passing the time of day with the Amazon delivery guy,” explains renowned therapist and relationship expert Marisa Peer (marisapeer. com ). And, just as the number, variety and balance of microbes in our gut influence our health, the nature and quality of our social interactions deeply affect our wellbeing.
The tribal effect
From an evolutionary point of view, we are meant to be part of a larger community. For millennia, we lived in hunter gatherer tribes that ensured our safety and survival, and although our lives are now vastly different, our brains still operate on this basis. “Human beings are social animals, we’re hard wired to be with other people,” explains Dr Rangan Chatterjee, podcast host and author of Happy Mind, Happy Life (Penguin Life, £16.99). “In our brain we have something that psychologists call a sociometer, a network that constantly scans our social world. It detects if we’re securely connected to our social biome and, if not, our stress response is triggered and we may become anxious and unhappy.” We also become more susceptible to illness. Indeed, research shows lack of connection increases the risk of depression and cognitive decline, while feeling lonely can have the same impact on the body as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Fortunately, spending time with other people has the opposite effect – we feel calmer, content and more in control of our world, believes Dr Rangan. But the benefits don’t stop there. Research shows a good social network makes us more likely to adopt healthy behaviours such as eating well and exercising, and gives us a greater sense of meaning and purpose. Feeling well connected even has physiological and biochemical effects on the body, reducing blood pressure, heart rate and stress hormones, while boosting immunity.
Finding nourishment
So, what does a healthy social biome look like? A 2019 study published in the journal Human Communication Research by Professors Jeffrey Hall and Andy Merolla asked participants to record their ‘social diet’ over 28 days, logging over 10,000 examples of their everyday interactions and the impact they had. Unsurprisingly, meaningful, longer and more frequent social contact was linked with a healthy social biome, along with having greater choice about when, where and how people connected, but there were unexpected results from the research, too.
Surprisingly, seemingly insignificant connections, such as acknowledging a stranger, had a significant impact on wellbeing. In fact, they are a valuable part of our social lives. “It’s not just about your partner, children or friends, even fleeting interactions are important, as they send a signal to your sociometer that your external environment is safe,” says Dr Rangan. Indeed, a 2021 study found positive interactions with strangers serve basic needs such as feeling connected and appreciated, and enhances our personal growth. “In fact, psychologists say when we initiate these brief interactions, even something as simple as a smile with strangers, it gives our body and brain critically important social nutrients, which they call social vitamins or vitamin S.”
It’s also important to factor in down time. We can’t be sociable all the time, which is why Professor Hall also stresses the importance of the communicate bond belong (CBB) theory, which acknowledges that while meaningful relationships are important, we also need to spend time alone. Of course, there’s a big difference between being alone and feeling alone – one a potential source of distress, the other affording time for reflection. “You have to like yourself to feel comfortable in, and enjoy your own company,” admits Marissa, “but if you struggle with self-esteem and confidence, you might consider a therapy like Rapid Transformational Therapy (rtt.cpm).”
Ultimately, it’s all about balance, making time to connect with others but also with yourself. Each experience enhances the other and can bring you an endless source of nourishment that feeds your wellbeing.
Get your vitamin S
Dr Rangan and Marisa share their tips for boosting our social biomes:
• Connect with the well-connected: Link up with someone who already has a huge circle of friends. By becoming part of an existing network, you’ll soon start to create your own, smaller friendship groups.
• Be proactive: Invite people to events or join established communities. Even better, create your own. Arrange a litter drive, beach clean, book club or women’s circle. Find potential members by chatting to mums at the school gate or posting on a local Facebook group.
• Talk to strangers: Find more ways to connect with people you don’t know, chat to fellow dog walkers or someone on your commute or smile at a passer-by. “Just as you take your vitamins in the morning, even chatting to the assistant at the supermarket for 10-20 seconds will give you a shot of vitamin S,” says Dr Rangan.
• Aim for a variety of interactions: From deep and meaningful conversations with loved ones to casual get-togethers with colleagues, light-hearted banter with friends and spontaneous interactions with strangers. And don’t forget, there’s still Zoom for those who don’t live nearby.
