Chances are, many of us will have experienced some kind of trauma in our lifetime, whether serious illness or injury, death of a loved one, emotional or physical abuse, or the breakdown of a serious relationship. Any kind of trauma, big or small, can be distressing, but, here’s the thing, as well as being difficult at the time, trauma can also cause us to lose touch with our core sense of self, which can have a devastating impact on our mental wellbeing. “Our authentic self is at the heart of who we all are and the essence of us,” explains Caroline Strawson, trauma-informed therapist and coach (carolinestrawson.com ). “We are born as our authentic self and it is always there, but when we have experienced trauma, we often present as a part of ourselves. This can look like an angry person, an anxious person, or even a people-pleaser but there is always a reason for this, as we are not born as any of these parts.”
It isn’t necessarily the trauma itself that causes the problem, but how we deal with it; the narrative we build around it, and how that shapes our beliefs about ourselves. For example, if someone close to us repeatedly tells us we are worthless and useless we begin to believe it, and it can be difficult to go beyond these layers and separate who we truly are from what we have experienced. “I see lots of quotes about people ‘finding’ themselves – like they lost something along the way,” says Marisa Peer, world-renowned therapist and best-selling author (marisapeer. com ). “Actually, that sense of self is always there, it’s just that it becomes clouded by experiences over time. Peeling back these layers, processing them, understanding where your core beliefs come from and breaking the cycle of unhelpful patterns of behaviour and habits is often the first step to healing and rediscovering who you are as a person beyond emotional and physical pain.”
Signs of trauma
So, how do we know if we’re carrying around past trauma? Signs aren’t limited to our mental wellbeing; they can show up in physical form, too. “For instance,” Caroline says, “if you need to see someone you know who is not a nice person and you start to get a headache, your system may be perceiving danger from this person even if they’re not actually life-threatening. Your headache may be a protector part showing up to stop you from seeing them because of the potential of pain.”
Our bodies are very good at warning us, in whatever way we will best listen, if something isn’t right and often know before we consciously do. “What many of us don’t understand is that if we don’t have an outlet for our emotions, they don’t just go away, no matter how hard we try to bury them,” adds Marisa. “One of my favourite quotes is from Henry Maudsley who said: ‘The sorrow that has no vent in tears may make other organs weep’ – and it’s absolutely true,” says Marissa. “Many clients that I have seen over the years come to me with medical conditions or physical pain and when we do an RTT [Rapid Transformation Therapy] session, they find that they are actually manifestations of repressed emotions, trauma or unmet needs. By giving them this understanding about why these issues came into their life, it gives the person the power to move through things more quickly and start to instill better habits of thought and action in their lives.” Read on for some ways to face your trauma and reconnect with your authentic self.
Know the signs
Some of the common signs of trauma include:
Repeating patterns of behaviour which aren’t constructive Intrusive or looping thoughts Confusion Mood swings Anxiety and depression Panic attacks Social isolation Avoidant behaviour Insomnia Physical pain Obsessive and compulsive behaviours Heal your trauma
Try these tips from Marisa Peer if you believe you may be holding onto past trauma
Allow yourself time to process your pain
Much of the emotional pain we carry with us has been there for years, so don’t put pressure on yourself to release it all at once. Learn to be an observer of your thoughts – when a negative one comes up, look at what emotion it triggers in your body and the physical feeling it creates. Allowing yourself to move through your pain and process it gently is crucial to the healing process.
Move away from things and people that no longer serve you
Once you are aware of the habits of thought and actions which have been holding you back, you will likely start to see the triggers – whether it be people, situations, certain environments. Look at how these things are affecting you – physically and emotionally. Living as your true, authentic self is all about living life your way, so if something or someone is bringing you down, start to trust that intuition and move away from them. We are conditioned to always resort to logic, but we innately know what’s right for us – and learning to trust ourselves is crucial on the journey to living life authentically.
Spend some time reconnecting with yourself
Often, we become so lost in everyday life that when we stop to look at who we are, we realise we actually don’t know! So, spend some time connecting with yourself again. Meditate, start doing activities that you enjoy – rediscover what it is that you like to do, what lights you up, what you are passionate about – and make time to do it.
Establish a self-care routine
Self-care is so important, so start a new routine of activities which make you feel good. Eat healthy foods, meditate, take long walks in nature, start a new hobby, exercise, take a long, hot bath, commit to reading more – do anything which makes you feel good about yourself.
