Holistic healing

The Shadow side of specialness according to Emma Cannon

Our columnist explores the shadow side of specialness and how to feel worthy

We all like to feel special, whether it’s down to personal achievements we’ve worked hard for, or recognition for an act of kindness we have performed. However, when we begin to believe we are more special, more gifted or more important than others, it can cross a line into the ‘shadow’ side of specialness. A place that is less about humility, and more about the ego.

This type of specialness is commonly seen in politics and amongst the uber wealthy, it can manifest as an unusual belief in one’s own greatness, delusions of grandeur or selfimportance. However, it is also rife in social media circles. Instagram is awash with socalled gurus who blow their own trumpet and bathe in the glory of their own achievements, creating an elitism and separation from their followers.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with recognising and celebrating our achievements, but there is often a one-upmanship about it, a feeling of ‘look how special I am’. A promise that if you do all the work, just like me, then you could maybe one day be special, too. This is the shadow; and it often hides an underlying insecurity and lack of awareness. It feels devoid of the real humility that comes through learned experience and the ability that comes through learning from life. There is often an attempt at feigned humility. To the person on the receiving end there is a feeling that this person is superior to or better than them (depending on their conditioning), or there is a sense of mistrust.

One of the main problems with specialness, as I see it, is it rarely sees outside of its own need for selfhood. Often masquerading as worthiness, doing good and being of service to other; more often than not there is a sense of self-serving, a belief that they are exquisite, unique and a narcissistic self-interest. There is a domineering energy, a sense of authority over another which does not seek to empower the other whilst hiding behind a grandiose intent. Below are just some of the ways to stay grounded and on the right side of feeling special.

Accept praise graciously and authentically and with genuine humility – humility does not devalue your achievements. But keep a lightness of touch to this praise – do not let it corrupt you.
Focus on the question who needs me now? This takes us outside of our obsession with our own achievements and accomplishments. Focus less on constantly needing validation for your achievement; from others or needing to do it yourself.
Let go of your need to be special, different, superior to others and instead look for where we are all the same. We are all human beings having a human experience with all the multitude of emotions, trials and tribulations that go with that.
Celebrate other’s achievements, do not compare yourself to them or feel the need to outdo them.
Stay in your lane.
Strive for oneness; the coming together of all opposites, the underlying essence of everything. Oneness is a state of being that does not set us apart or above another; it binds us together, unites us and dispels the myth of separateness.