Natural Living

Patsy Kensit: Gift Thoughtfully

Our columnist ditches expensive gifting in favour of something more meaningful

I used to LOVE going mad for my boys at Christmas. I remember when they were little, I’d hit the shops in a frenzy, throwing anything I thought they’d love into the bag, along with a fair few things they might not, just to ensure they had the perfect pile stacked next to the tree.

In hindsight, I didn’t put a huge amount of thought into it. I’d check the lists they had written for the man in red and just elaborate on them a bit. If I ask the boys, they can’t even remember most of those presents today, but I’d get so stressed trying to make sure they had them all.

I’d do the same with friends and lovers too, and they with me. Gifts that were showy, or ostentatious felt generous. More has always been more. Why buy one pair of nice socks, when you can buy 25 pairs of ridiculously expensive cashmere ones?

Most of us eventually realise that spending more or having a huge pile of gifts or expensive trinkets isn’t a representation of our love and care. It’s a showy attempt to impress someone and worse, in this age of consumer awareness, its wasteful and unnecessary.

And sometimes unwanted. We have all gotten gifts that haven’t been thought through; eBay in January is littered with people reselling them.

So, what do you do, if you want to be more considerate in your gift giving? It sounds great in principle, but it’s hard though isn’t it, to get a truly thoughtful gift, right? It means time and consideration – resources the average person doesn’t have.

You can make something. A relative of mine was utterly broke one year, so she and her husband made boxes of Scottish Shortbread for everyone and packaged them beautifully. That was a lovely way to be considerate but if you’re short on time or not skilled in a craft, it’s a bit unrealistic.

I think the key to truly thoughtful gifting is in knowing the person. Really thinking about what they love and delivering that. I’ve got a friend who has long coveted a very beautiful scarf I used to own. I hadn’t worn it in a long time. So, for her birthday, I had it cleaned and wrapped it in tissue paper. She was THRILLED. I was worried she’d consider it cheap, but ‘re-gifting’ something someone else will love, that you don’t is a great plan.

Another way is to check how you feel about the gift yourself. If you don’t want to give it to someone because you love it yourself, it’s probably a great gift (if they share the same interests as you). If, however you’ve bought something for yourself that you’re passing off as a gift to someone else, in the hope you’ll get to steal it at a later date, that’s probably not the best idea.

The best gifts that I’ve found go down well are experiences. That will look different for everyone depending on what they love. For a new mum, that could look like a voucher for a day’s childcare so they can go out. It might look like a trip to a museum, or the races for someone else.

It might be dinner and drinks for that friend whose budget hasn’t stretched to a night out lately, or a ‘push the boat out’ trip if it’s a super-special event (and you can afford it). The point is, as Gloria Gaither says: “Memories are perhaps the best gift of all”. Silver tarnishes, gadgets break and fashions change. But experiences stay with us forever, as part of our lives. That could possibly be the best gift of all.